| By Greg Vanden Berge
Book Introduction
I've always been a happy person but never thought about writing,
about happiness. I'm 49 years old and a divorced parent, of three
children who has remarried and now has another wife and two
stepchildren.
I'm also an uncle, nephew, brother, son, husband, father, stepbrother,
stepson and stepgrandfather. I don't consider myself an extremely
relational person or someone who falls in love with everyone I meet.
This could actually be the reason why I’m happy, because I don't attach
myself to other people's problems or achievements. Often it's other
people, who create more misery for us than we ever can for ourselves
Real happiness, can never be taken away from you, if you don't let
someone else, control your emotions.
I don't have an answer to everyone's problems, I'm not a doctor and I
don't hold any type of college degree, in human behavior. I'm not the
smartest person in the universe and don't expect anyone to use any of my
advice.
However, you wouldn't have picked up the book, unless you were trying to
figure something out. You're probably tired of your life or parts of it
and it's time for a change.
Maybe you can't figure out why you're filled with joy on some days and
misery, on others. Maybe you're going through a divorce or grieving the
loss of a loved one and can't seem to get over it.
Who knows, maybe you're someone who lives in a world of poor me and
blame. It's not your fault and it never will be, because you deal with
imbeciles and complete idiots, all day long.
No more excuses, no more bull shit and definitely no more negative
thoughts.
Happiness is a choice, but it's a choice you're going to need to make.
You can choose to blame others, complain about someone else's actions or
accept the facts. You are where you are, right now, because of the
choices you've made in your life.
If you're going through a divorce, do you think it had anything to do
with any of the choices you made or the actions you took?
If you lost your job, do you think that it had anything to do with any
of the choices you made or your actions?
Feel free to feel bad, grieve or even blame others, but the ultimate
responsibility usually lies within the choices you made, in the past.
But what about this?
What do you do when it wasn't your fault?
For Example: One of your parents dies, because they got hit by a drunk
driver. There’s no way that your parents deserved to die and there's no
way that you could possibly link any of their actions or choices to a
reason why something happened.
I would have to agree, but at the same time, if that individual wouldn't
have got into the car, they wouldn't have got killed by the drunk
driver. We can choose to understand the risks in living our lives or do
everything that we possibly can, to prevent anything from happening to
us, or anyone else.
The sooner that you can accept the fact that life really isn't fair, the
sooner you will be able to accept events like these and avoid dwelling
on them. “Shit happens” and believe it or not, it's going to continue to
happen, as long as you're alive.
We wouldn't ever experience love, if we were all afraid of the pain
associated with breaking up or divorce.
We wouldn't go for a walk, because we could trip, stumble and even break
a leg, sprain an ankle or even hit our head, on a hard surface and die.
If you thought long enough, you would find something painful that
happened to somebody, that wasn't associated with any of your choices
and actions. Something extremely unpleasant that you would have to deal
with.
Like I said, happiness is a choice. You can choose to accept the things
that are going to happen to you, good and bad and deal with them in the
real world, with a rational mind.
There is no need to blame someone else or complain about anything,
because you are the captain of your own ship. You're in charge of your
feelings and no one else can make you feel bad, if you don't want them
to.
I'm one of the happiest people I know and I really don't know why. It
could have a lot to do with smiling constantly or the fact that I accept
the inevitable.
Your life will be what ever you make out of it. If you choose to let
someone else control your life, then your life will be whatever they
choose to make out of it.
If you're going to let your mother and father, brother or sister, son or
daughter, friend or enemy or anyone else, control your emotions and tell
you what you need to do, you're screwed. You have got to be in charge of
your life and filter through all of the information, that you're going
to be bombarded with, every single day.
Do this and do that or what about, you'll be happy if this happens, but
you won't be happy if that happens. Your grandmother did this and it
worked, if it was good enough for me, it should be good enough for you
and one of my all-time favorites, trust me, I know what I'm talking
about.
Life really isn't as complicated as most people may conduct to be and
plenty of us make it more complicated than it actually is. You do have a
choice, you can let something bother you or let it go in one ear and
right out the other.
When I was in the eighth grade, my metal shop teacher decided to provide
me with a nickname that everyone could make fun of.
He nicked named me,” Smiley.”
Even though some of the other kids made fun of me, I actually think my
teacher was giving me a compliment. It wasn't until years later, when I
realized that I had been smiling, my entire life.
I'm sure that there were plenty of people, who thought that I was
retarded, but so be it, I didn't really care. Maybe I truly wasn't smart
enough, to realize what I had, but I definitely know now.
A nice pleasant smile usually tells other people that you're happy and
most of the time, it will make them happy.
Smiling is contagious and if you do it enough, you will start to notice
others smiling, the moment they see your face. Sure, I could frown or
show contentment, but why, that isn't me and it never will be.
I know plenty of people who are afraid to smile or even tell other
people about the things that truly make them happy. Some are even afraid
that others will judge them or try to make them feel bad, because
thousands of people all over the world aren't… so what.
You can let people make you feel guilty, but why?
You can let people control your emotions, but why?
You can even let people provide you with plenty of excuses or reasons
why you shouldn't be happy, but why?
If you really want to be happy, you're going to have to make up your
mind, to actually be happy. I made up my mind a long time ago, even
though there have been plenty of people in my life, who didn't like it.
Don't let the naysayers, influence any of the decisions you will ever
make again. The secret to happiness is pleasant thoughts and you're the
only person who can control those thoughts.
Change your negative thoughts to positive ones and it won't be long,
before you start to see positive changes, in your life.
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